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The Pressure of Productivity and the Anti-Goal

12/24/2020

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The Pressure of Productivity and How to Set an Anti-Goal

When I graduated from my master's degree program, I set myself a napping goal.

As you might imagine, I was exhausted and in need of some serious rest and recovery. At the same time, it takes time to decelerate from that level of sustained, intense productivity and doing. It was impossible to just come to a sudden halt, so I set myself up with a number of projects to fill in the void.
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Pantalaimon posing with my master's paper research binder
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Graduating online during the pandemic

​I’m one of those people who is good at being active and productive, and can often find the greater challenge to be slowing down, doing less, and allowing rest and spaciousness into my days and weeks. When we are in ‘go mode’ so often, it can be really hard to shift gears. Not only does it take time for our bodies to slow down and re-calibrate to a different, less intense level of demand, but all those pesky thoughts creep in too. Am I wasting time? Being lazy? Who am I to take a nap when there’s so much to be done? Maybe I “should” be doing X, Y, and Z? So many shoulds and judgments rush in to block our states of rest. These are fueled by the false belief that slowing down or stopping a) diminishes what we contribute to the world, and b) diminishes our worth and worthiness to exist. ​

I know, it’s a lot to dismantle.

So in the meantime, I decided to trick myself into the much needed R&R by setting myself a napping goal: 30 naps by the end of the year. 

And if the idea of that many naps just made your anxiety spike, you might consider setting a napping goal too. 
​

The napping goal worked! like. a. charm. Every time I felt the onset of fatigue, that sleepiness in the afternoon, that desire to just crawl into bed or onto the couch for a little while that usually induces a feeling of guilt and a cascade of “shoulds”, instead I thought “Oh! Wonderful! I need to work toward that napping goal!” And yes, I kept a tally of my naps, adding one satisfying little tick every time I followed the impulse to stop, drop, and sleep.

And do you know the best part about my napping goal? I DIDN’T EVEN MEET IT! Here we are one week from the end of the year, and I still have two naps left to go! But you know why that’s so great? I don’t NEED to finish my napping goal because I’m no longer tired all the fucking time! I feel rested and energized and well paced at the moment, so the naps have become unnecessary. It’s no longer about meeting an arbitrary number of naps, but about tuning into my own needs and creating a regular yet intuitive way to rest. And that’s the beautiful thing. When we allow rest and spaciousness, we actually open up the energy and the drive to do the things we want in a sustainable and successful way. 
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Taking time to REFRESH
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"Well, this is all very well and good Lauren, but you sound a little privileged and disconnected from the world with your 30 naps this year..."
Yes, I absolutely acknowledge my privilege. I benefit from white-skinned, economic, and educational privilege, among others, and these contribute to my ability to create space for myself.

​But let us also return to that little truth-bomb above about worth and worthiness. We live in a society of toxic productivity where our worth as humans is often measured by our contribution and participation in capitalism, where health of the economy is often placed above the health of individuals and communities. Furthermore, oppressive systems (patriarchy, systemic racism, heteronormativity...) demand that people who inhabit marginalized bodies prove their worth and worthiness to exist and take up space. Women and people of color (among other groups) are told to sacrifice and serve for the greater good and that it is selfish to stop, rest, or care for themselves. Existence within these systems is exhausting, Rest becomes radical when it entails saying NO to the oppressive systems that demand our constant energy, participation, and vigilance. 


“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." ~ Audre Lorde

(I said it was a lot to dismantle... that's why you gotta get in those naps!) ​

How to set an anti-goal:

- Choose a non-activity that you find restful and enjoyable, preferably something that you don’t usually make time for or feel guilty for doing. Napping is of course one example, but customize this for yourself. It might be going for a walk, drawing, lying on the floor, or literally doing nothing for a period of time.

- Give yourself a specific and measurable goal related to this. For me, it was 30 naps by the end of the year (which was 7 months away). I recommend choosing a longer span of time like this rather than something you try to do daily or X times per week. Remember, this is an anti-goal so it should feel spacious, achievable, and free of pressure.

- Keep track! Tally it so you can see your progress!

- Bonus points if you give yourself a little reward every time it happens, like a sticker or a piece of chocolate.

- More bonus points if you forget about your goal by the time the deadline has arrived because it has become irrelevant! Irrelevant doesn’t mean that you just didn’t work towards your anti-goal. Irrelevant means that you have been successful in integrating rest and rejuvenation into your routine. It means you don’t have to tally naps because you just feel rested, or that you don’t need to schedule in time for walks because they have become a natural part of your days. You get the idea. Now off you go!


As somatic counselor, I guide clients in discovering their own inner wisdom related to resting and resourcing while working towards their authentic and meaningful goals.  If you would like support in this process ​please reach out for a free consultation.

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Mindfulness Lessons from my Cat

12/15/2020

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Mindfulness Lessons from my Cat

Earlier this year I adopted a kitten, named him Pantalaimon, and trained him to walk on a harness. Before we go any further, yes it’s adorable, and yes you can probably walk your cat too, but beware because now my cat demands two walks a day like a freakin’ dog and my morning routine completely revolves around his morning outing.

I live in a small apartment, but we have access to a courtyard, some patches of grass and flowers, and a tree-lined sidewalk. From the beginning, I tried to coax Pan to spend time in these pleasant areas, but to my dismay he was (and still is) primarily interested in hanging out in the parking lot behind our building.

Really, Pan? The world is your oyster and yet you choose, in true alley cat fashion, to prowl the parking lot and force me to awkwardly drink my coffee by the dumpsters. ... Great.
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At first, I did my best to distract myself from this unfortunate situation - listening to audio books, finding new podcasts, catching up on phone calls. But over time, as these distractions grew tiresome, I slowly became curious and began to see the parking lot through Pan’s eyes. I began to notice all the little things that draw him there that I had previously skipped over.
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Parking lot with moon and squirrel
First of all, it is quiet, sheltered away from the rumble of street traffic. 

The rectangle of asphalt is lined with trees. Throughout the year I’ve watched some of them turn to yellow and red and then bare, while others have stayed green and held small drifts of snow. Among the tree branches are an abundance of squirrels that frolic to and fro. Pantaliamon loves to sit and watch the drama above, his little body vibrating with the hopes that one might venture down close enough to pounce upon.

​In between the tree tops, there is a large swathe of sky. Often, it’s a great blue expanse across which the wind and the sun and the moon slowly drift. On other days I have watched the dark shadows of migrating storm clouds or smoke clouds. Air tankers buzzed overhead when wildfires were near. Birds fly between the rooftops and power cables.
And aren’t there just an abundance of birds! Crows, magpies, doves, finches, blue jays, and woodpeckers, just to name a few. Of course, Pan knows the best places to watch them. By following his lead, I now know the two different corners of the parking lot where the neighbors hang bird feeders. To these, they all flock, taking turns swooping down to get their fill and then retreating to the nearest branches above. Unsurprisingly, the squirrels congregate in these corners too, feasting upon the scraps that scatter underneath the bird feeders. ​
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Trees and sky above
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Pan on the prowl
I have become familiar with the neighbors and workers that pass through on regular schedules. We wave to each other. Some stop to pet Pan.  In one house lives a wild little blonde girl who runs out barefoot and smiling to shower him with adoration. She feeds the squirrels too, making her yard another prime squirrel watching venue. On special days, we run into other neighborhood cats, or bunnies, or occasionally raccoons. 
Oh the many hours I have spent standing in this parking lot this year, and over time, oh how it has transformed into such a magical little place, so full of life and beauty and the rhythmic flow of days and seasons. 

What did it take for that transformation to happen?

Simple awareness.
Slowing down. Becoming curious. Opening my senses to perceive in a new way, taking things in not as my habituated adult self but as if I were a youthful hunting feline. 


This freshness is sometimes called Beginners Mind.
​Other times it’s called Mindfulness. 

​

But regardless of the terminology,  it is the richness available to us in ordinary life if we just allow our senses to open .
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If you often feel rushed through your day, under constant stimulation, or without enjoyment in your daily tasks, you may benefit from a mindful fresh perspective similar to what Pantalaimon gifted to me. Sometimes this occurs spontaneously when we see the world through the eyes of a pet, a child, or an out-of-town visitor. Other times, we may need to cultivate it on our own. ​

​Interested? Try out the Mindfulness in Daily Life Practice below.

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Mindfulness in Daily Life Practice:

Choose one task that has become habitual for you, perhaps a task you find boring or that you often couple with daydreaming or phone calls. Washing dishes, brushing your teeth, or walking to the mailbox are all great examples, but you may choose anything.
For one week, approach this task as if you have never done it before. Imagine the way that a young child gets excited about participating in chores, or the way that a traveler is intrigued by the routines in foreign countries.
Let go of all your distractions during this time (that’s right, no podcasts or phone calls) and give this task your full attention. Move a little slower than usual. Pay attention to all your senses. 
Notice the angle of the light, the smells, the temperature of the air or water, textures of soap or paper or whatever you may touch, the movement of your body parts.
Every day, try to notice one new or different thing that you did not notice during this task the day before.

At the end of the week, how has your experience changed?
What might it be like to cultivate this mindful awareness throughout your day?


As somatic counselor, I love using mindful and body-based practices to help my clients transform their daily lives into something they love. If you would like support in this process, 
​please reach out for a free consultation.

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Grounding Techniques for Stress and Anxiety

12/2/2020

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Grounding Techniques for Stress and Anxiety

So many things in life can get us pretty amped up.

It may be work, relationship conflicts, health issues, family stuff...[insert your personal struggle here]. It's important to find ways to calm ourselves, our racing thoughts, and our intense emotions. This isn't about rejecting any emotions or experiences as "bad", but rather about tending to our nervous systems in the midst of intensity. This allows us to ride the waves, experience clarity and empathy during conflict, and maintain our physical and mental health.

Here are a few techniques that I love and use for grounding in the present moment and in the body when experiencing stress, anxiety, fear, or worry.


You'll notice there are a lot of options!

Everyone's brain and body are different, so I like to offer a lot of options. Give them a try and see which ones work best for you! 

Please listen to your own body and mind and what feels right for you. If you notice any of these practices making things worse, please stop! Turn your attention away and towards something enjoyable like a pet, a cup of tea, a walk, or a funny video. 
​

Part 1 - Basic Grounding Techniques

1. 5-4-3-2-1 Mindfulness
First look around your space, and orient to where you are including what is above and behind you and where doors, windows, and other people are. Then, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel on your skin, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. 


2. Touch
Use your hands to bring touch to your body and feel your solidity and boundaries. Gently squeeze down your arms from your shoulders to your wrists. Gently squeeze down your legs from your thighs to your feet. You might give yourself a gently hug, or a gentle neck massage. You can rub your hands together to create a little warmth and then place your hands on your face, your heart, or your belly. Experiment with any way to can make contact with yourself through touch that feels nourishing and supportive. 

3. Putting Awareness into Supports
While sitting, place your feet on the ground and gently press your feet into the ground. Notice any activation of the leg muscles, feeling the strength in the legs and how your feet connect to the ground. You may also bring sensation into the feet by wiggling the toes or shuffling your feet back and forth against the ground. If this doesn't work for your body, you can also try bringing awareness to your sitting bones and hips by swaying or rocking while you sit. Or if you are lying down, bring as much of your attention as possible to where your body is supported by the chair, floor, bed, or wherever you are. The idea is to feel the support coming up underneath of you.

4. Jumping
If you are physically able, stand and jump or hop in place. This is a way to enhance awareness of our feet, the ground, and our connection to our body and our environment.

5. Balancing
If you are physically able, come into a standing balancing position. This might be as simple as lifting one heel off the ground, or standing with one foot up but with a hand on a chair or wall. Or, you might stand freely on one foot or engage in a more advanced balancing practice if you have that as part of a yoga practice. Balancing engages multiple parts of the brain, causes us to focus intensely on the present moment, and allows distracting thoughts and worries to fade into the background.

Part 2 - Breathing Techniques

1. The Not-Breathing-Techniques
For those of you that don't like breathing practices, this one is for you! You can start to open up the breath without having to put a lot of attention on the breath. These gentle movements in the torso may allow you to naturally slow and deepen your breathing.
  • Press your finger tips together while holding your hands at belly level.  Allow the action of pressing the fingers together to ripple up the arms and lengthen the spine.  Imagine creating a little extra length between your head and tailbone.
  • Gently round forward and then arch back with your spine a few times, what in yoga is called cat/cow postures. 
  • Take a gentle side stretch, reaching your left arm over your head to the right, focusing on lengthening your left rib area. Then reach your right arm over your head to the lefft, focusing on lengthening your right rib area. ​​

​2. Box Breathing
Inhale for 4 counts, hold your breath in for 4 counts, exhale out for 4 counts, hold your breath out for 4 counts. Repeat several times. Go at a pace that feels comfortable for you. If it's helpful, you can imagine a square, with your inhales, holds, and exhales traveling along the edge of the square.  ​
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3. Extended Exhale
Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 8 counts. Repeat as many times as you like. Go at a pace that feels comfortable for you. While our inhale is connected to the sympathetic (or enlivening) part of our nervous system, our exhale is connected to the parasympathetic (or calming) part of our nervous system. So, extending the exhale can signal our bodies to come into a more restful state. 

4. Supported Breath
Bring one hand to your forehead and the other hand to the back base of your skull. Inhale through the nose while gently bringing your head back (like you're looking up to the ceiling). Exhale through pursed lips out the mouth while gently bringing your head down and forward (like you're looking down at your belly). Repeat several times.. 

Part 3 - Grounding in Nature

Being in nature is one of the best ways to ground. Take some time to go outside, go for a walk, or visit a place with dirt, tress, or water. Make physical contact with the world around you by touching a tree, smelling a flower, or sticking your toes in grass or in water. Try combining time in nature of some of the basic grounding techniques or breathing techniques listed above. 

Part 4 - Somatic Grounding Sequence

These movements can be done on their own, but make a great grounding sequence when put all together.
  • ​Shake! Take 2-3 minutes to shake your whole body, or any body parts that you are able to. Experiment with shaking different body parts in different ways! Keep breathing while you do this. It shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable but also try to find the edge of your comfort zone. You may do this standing, sitting, lying down, and at any energy level that feels right for you. Imagine that you are shaking our everything you don't need, or anything from your day that you don't want to hold onto as you move forward.
  • Joint Rolls:  Gently bring rolling rotations to your joints one at a time, for about 20 seconds each. Start with where your head rests on your top vertebrae by bobbling the head slightly back and forth. Then rotate the wrists one way and then the other. Rotate the elbows one way and then the other. Continue with the shoulders, the hips, the knees, and the ankles. Please do this in a way that's right for your body and feel free to skip any joints that are not able to move in this way.
  • Belly Dub:  Use one or both of your hands to gently rub your lower belly in circles. You may also try this on your solar plexus (a little higher over your stomach), or on your chest. 
  • Stroke Down:  Use your hands to gently stroke down the front of your body from your chest to your belly a few times.
  • Still Hands:  ​Rest your hands in stillness somewhere on the front of the body, perhaps with one hand on your heart and one on your belly, or with both hands on the heart or on the belly. Breath into that contact.
  • Humming: With you hands still on the front of your body, begin to hum for a couple of minutes. You may hum one tone or explore several. You might like to hum a lullaby or a favorite some. Feel the vibration in your vocal chords as well as under your hands, or anywhere else you can perceive this sound rolling through you.


As somatic counselor, I love using body-based practices to help my clients work with stress, anxiety, and connection to the self. If you would like support in this process, 
​
please reach out for a free consultation.


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    Author

    Lauren Pass Erickson is a somatic counselor and dance/movement therapist based in Boulder, Colorado.

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